Fantasy Jose Canseco League

18 06 2009

Jose Canseco simply cannot stay out of the news.  Anyone interested in a pool to bet on the next time Jose Canseco makes himself newsworthy?


Manny Ramirez, El Maniaco, Jesus, and Other Championship Performances: Part II

8 05 2009

Our friend Neil Dodson, who earlier wrote about Manny Ramirez here, responds to the recent steroids scandal, doubling down on his earlier theory.

Life is a series of numbers, revolving characters, flim-flam, death, destruction, re-creation, recreation, and championship performances.  Our body constantly destroys cells and replenishes them with other stuff so that we can continue to live.  And then there’s Manny Ramirez.  We all know that Manny came from the future to save baseball and to prevent catastrophic events from occurring: but until now, we did not know that he served to save all of humanity. Read the rest of this entry »

You Like a Da Juice, Manny? Da Juice is Good, Yeah?

7 05 2009

So maybe Neil was wrong when he suggested Manny Ramirez’s secret ingredient was time travel.  Nope, turns out Manny’s been caught doping.  His explanation:

Recently I saw a physician for a personal health issue. He gave me a medication, not a steroid, which he thought was okay to give me. Unfortunately, the medication was banned under our drug policy. Under the policy that mistake is now my responsibility. I have been advised not to say anything more for now. I do want to say one other thing; I’ve taken and passed about 15 drug tests over the past five seasons.

Victim of circumstance, or long-time steroid user?  You be the judge.  Note, it’s very easy to pass 15 drug tests over five seasons by using time travel.

Fantasy murder

24 02 2009

Jose Canseco seeks Revenge on YOU!

Former baseball player Ron Kittle thinks someone’s gonna try to off Jose Canseco because he wrote a book exposing rampant steroids usage in baseball.

“My first thought was: ‘I wonder who’s going to be the first one to shoot him,’ ” Kittle said Monday. “I still think somebody who might have had their life ruined might take vengeance on him. If I were [Canseco], I would think about that.”

Ummm, what?  If there’s an idea worse than taking steroids, it’s trying to kill Jose Canseco.  I mean, have you seen the guy?  How do you shoot Jose Canseco in the back?  What happens if you miss?  And what happens if you shoot the wrong Canseco?  You do not take revenge on Jose Canseco.  Jose Canseco takes revenge on you.

The Real Roids in MLB

18 02 2009

This is a guest-post from Nathan Elias.  It has been left unedited for three reasons: 1) Blogs don’t need editing; 2) the author is exposed as a Canadian–haha, Canadian; and 3) one of the typos is pretty hilarious.

My brother asked me a simple question: could I marry a Boston Red Sox or New York Yankees fan? My answer was an immediate no. When asked if I could marry a Colorado Rockies or Arizona Diamondbacks fan I answered yes. This seemed odd. As a Cubs fan, shouldn’t I be more open to embracing a team in a different league? That’s when I realized just how prejudice I am towards the American League. I hate the DH and everything it stands for. The DH essentially teaches kids that defence in baseball doesn’t matter and as long as you can hit, you will succeed in support. In many ways the DH is very similar to steroids; the end result are more dingers for the fans. Sure drugs are bad, illegal and soil the sanctity of the sport, but doesn’t the DH affect the integrity of the sport also? People always talk smack about gateway drugs like weed leading to more dangerous drugs like cocaine. Well I propose that the DH is gateway cheating that will eventually lead to greater perversions of the game. How many years before the creation of the DR (designated runner) or the DF (designated fielder). I say we put the DH experiment to rest. It’s as wacky an idea as communism and it’s time for the sport to stand up for democracy! The NL has 16 teams and the AL has 14: We win.