Derek Jeter’s New Contract

18 11 2010

Derek Jeter just signed a five 5-year, 450 million dollar contract extension with the Yankees, plus performance bonuses.  For each season Jeter fields at least fifteen ground balls, he earns an addition $20M.  If he reaches 50 hits in a season, he earns $1M, then an additional $1M for each hit beyond the 50th.  If selected by fans to appear in an all-star game, he earns $5B, plus another $5B if he plays in the all-star game.  If the Yankees make the playoffs, Jeter becomes owner of the Yankees, and also becomes owner of any team the Yankees defeat in the playoffs.  And if the Yankees win the World Series, Jeter becomes President of Earth.

When reached for comment, Yankees fans said, in unison, “It’s Derek Jeter.  Pay him whatever he wants.”

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